Do you realize how liberating it is to accept powerlessness? Learning the art of letting go gives you the super strength you never imagined before.
The key is changing your mindset and realizing that letting go of wanting to be in control is for the better. All our lives, we grow up feeling that self-sufficiency and independence is the key to happiness. Whether you fall off a bike or lose a relationship, people tell you never to give up, no matter what!’
They throw words and phrases such as ‘will power,’ ‘inner strength’ and ‘be strong’ when you go through a tough time. These misguided pep talks make us believe that self-control is everything. That we need to carry on fixing things and working harder on relationships despite the hurdles we come across.
But guess what? The dream to reach perfection is nothing but idealization.
You might not believe me now, but one day you will realize how foolish you were.
It took me years of failures, breakups, and encounters with addiction to realize that being powerful is not the reality. You can’t ‘make it till you fake it.’
It is especially true in instances when you try to control everything in life. When you continuously try to fix relationships or change something to match a specific image in your mind. Due to these efforts, you entangle yourself in a vicious cycle. You repeatedly end up in situations that are bad for you and attach yourself to toxic people. It might be a different day, but your story remains the same.
I am Kathy McKnight, and I will teach you the art of letting go. It is the only way to realize that our determination to conquer fears, relationships, and surrounding is our biggest failure. Your misguided sense of power will never serve its purpose.
You should make room for powerlessness instead.
Powerlessness vs. Power: The Lies That Break Our Hearts
Raise your hand if your parents or teachers ever told you to ‘let it go’ or ‘it is not worth crying over’.
I have lost count of how many times I heard these words of wisdom.
Admittedly, I was too stubborn and strong-willed to pay heed to their advice. I was an athlete who stepped into the playing field to hit home runs. How could I let life get to me? Why would I want to give up at the first sign of defeat?
I kept on swinging that bat until I gambled away everything in life.
At present, I understand that life is a journey, not a competition. Acknowledge that everyone is on a different point and has to go through their conflicts. You should not compare your victories and defeats to others. If you do that, you will only become more miserable.
As the saying goes, ‘misery likes company.’ When you let it in, it will engulf you and overwhelm you until you reach a breaking point. You let it win by not giving up and choosing a false sense of power over powerlessness.
The thing is that sometimes we have to go through miserable situations to grasp the wisdom of acceptance. It will take time to make sense of this situation.
However, when you learn this lesson, admit defeat, and step aside. It is the only way to make room for better things in life.
These days, I view powerlessness as a gift that keeps on giving. I embrace it, value it, and share it with others. I became a life coach to teach this valuable trait to others. That way, you will not have to waste your life chasing a non-existent power.
Isn’t Giving Up A Sign of Weakness?
That is what I thought too.
The idea is bizarre and contradictory. It is the opposite of what you think is right. The exciting thing is that changing mindsets and relinquishing self-control does wonders for your mind and soul.
Society conditions us to value power when it is not ours to have in certain situations. It is why we spend our lives going backwards when we should be moving forward.
Think of the three unchangeable things in your life:
- People: The toxic relationships that you are attached to
- Places: Your current situation which could change if you could admit defeat and walk away
- Things: Addictions like alcohol, drug, comfort food that is taking over your senses
People tell us to fight until the last breath and have some self-control. The only problem is that these people, places, and things have the upper hand. While we were fighting and struggling to control them, they were feeding off our energy.
As a result, we end up licking self-inflicted wounds and feeling like empty shells.
The thing is that we cannot change people, places, or things. What we can change is our attitude and perspective when we face these situations. The key is to start changing your behavior and make healthier choices that eventually lead you to a better and happier life.
We are powerless over our stinking thinking, but we can handle those negative emotions. Managing these disappointing situations with a positive attitude can make us stronger.
We learn to survive terrifying storms by admitting defeat and embracing acceptance.
The Neuroscience of Addiction & Choices We Make
List the people, places, and things that string you along a joyless ride. Think of all the reasons you are still hanging onto them, even though they wipe you clean on the battlefield. One way or another, you do not want to admit that these ‘triggers’ and ‘addictions’ control your life.
Due to this, our brain latches on to them as if they are our only refuge. Or, our egos are too big to admit that we are no longer in control.
Let me give you a common example.
You are trying to adopt a healthier lifestyle. When you go to the grocery store, you plan to buy the essentials and then bolt. Yet, this strategy goes out the window when you walk past the cookie aisle. Those sweet treats and calorie-laden desserts tempt you.
You think ‘Can’t I have one?’ or ‘I have self-control, I can portion my meals.’
Eventually, you cave in and leave the store with a bagful of delicious snacks. You binge-eat them and then later go on a guilt-trip. You go through the same routine until you forgo your fitness plan and gain extra pounds.
I went through this ordeal with my drinking habit. I led myself to believe that one glass would not harm you. I blamed my divorce and transformational changes, work-related issues for making me dependent on alcohol. Then many years later,it finally hit me.
The problem lay in the fact that I believed I had power.
In these instances, the cookie aisle and my glass of wine were the people, places, and things I wanted to change but couldn’t. Once we cross that line, there is no going back.
Your brain persuades you to feed your vices and addictions. We try to rationalize and justify our bad choices with lies to the point that it makes us delusional.
I bet you go through similar situations.
At that moment, forfeit instead of fighting aimlessly. Know that self-control is an unlikely possibility unless we accept defeat.
However, when you become powerless, then BOOM–shifting mindsets places becomes a reality. You have the ability and strength to beat the cookie (or any other addiction) and pick up a healthier substitute.
In a way, powerlessness does not make you weak, but it boosts your strength.
The Art of Letting Go: How Acceptance Makes You Happy?
I give up.
These three words are impactful and more profound than any pep talk you got. They allow you to change your perception and start looking at things from a different angle. When we surrender, we stop giving power to the very vices that pulled our strings.
Nevertheless, letting go is not easy. You go through a process before reaching a state of acceptance.
Here are three strategies that can make this transition easier:
1. Surrender to Win
The fear of loss and defeat can paralyze you. It blindsides you into believing that what you are fighting for is valuable. You forget that something better could come along the way if you give up and walk away.
Realize that letting go is does not mean losing all the power. You reclaim the power you lost when you were nothing but a ball of anxiety. Those worries and fears were chipping away at your self-esteem. Bit by bit, you were turning into a shallow empty shell.
You become emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausted.
The difference between power and powerlessness is that one leads you to delusion, while the other shows you the reality. This defeat is not personal, and it does not mean you are worthless. These failures help you realize the real enemies–your vices.
Walking away from them leads you towards a brighter and happier future. It is all about knowing where to channel your energy. These are situations where asking for a life coach’s assistance can help you overcome those automatic disappointments you feel when you retreat from the self-organized battlefield.
So why not surrender and win instead of fighting a battle you were lost every day?
2. God Confidence
Do you want to boost your self-confidence?
The best way to gain self-worth is to submit to the higher power. They say things happen for a reason, so find those reasons. Trust God and bask in His glory. He will present you with the superpower of love, compassion, and acceptance.
With those blessed gifts, you will have the courage to walk a different path. You learn to navigate through those obstacles that brought you down. Then gradually, you pick up the right things while breaking away from the wrong ones. You will automatically feel like a weight is lifted from your head, and you are lighter.
So bow your head and pray to God for confidence. Once you receive it, know that nothing in this world can shatter your spirit. Instead, you will wake up feeling rejuvenated and revitalized.
Is self-care selfish?
Many women feel that way when they prioritize their boyfriends, husbands or children over their happiness. You spend hours working for them to get nothing in return. The one-way relationship builds onto frustration and agitation.
I recommend stepping back and recharging through self-care. Believing yourself can transform your life. Personal development plans train you to live a progressive life making way for happiness, positivity, and joy.
Here are simple acts of self-care to add to your routine:
- Sleep better
- Eat a balanced diet
- Befriend like-minded and positive people
More importantly, spend some quality me-time to self-reflect. These peaceful moments will generate clarity and recharge your energy.
Parting Words: Say Hello, to a Brand New You
In the end, learning the art of letting go is a lesson for a lifetime. It allows you to focus on things that truly matter and are under your control. You also become less likely to succumb to addictions and vices when accepting powerlessness in front of a lost cause.
Always remember, picking faith over fear is not a failure. It is a chance to find your freedom in life and break away from the chains of power that restrain you.
Do you want a helping hand? My door is always open, and I am ready to lend my attentive ears. We can work together to move past futile power plays and find liberation in powerlessness.